Anal sex etiquette

Added: Shawnta Ridinger - Date: 06.11.2021 13:54 - Views: 46453 - Clicks: 9862

I am a twenty-four year old woman. Growing up in a conservative Muslim family, I was taught that anal sex was sinful and completely off-limits, even in the context of marriage. In my mind, this blanket prohibition gave the idea of anal intercourse a special erotic appeal. Once I reached adulthood and rejected the constraints of my religious upbringing, I became interested in actively exploring this aspect of my sexuality. For so long, it had been forbidden fruit. However, my first few experiences of anal intercourse were painful and unpleasant.

While we were having doggy-style vaginal sex, he pulled out and then penetrated me anally without discussing his intentions first. Essentially, he took me by surprise. Although his penis was lubricated, the result was uncomfortable, stressful, and awkward.

Unfortunately, research suggests my experience was far from unique. Consent and mutual enjoyment are not always a priority for men attempting anal sex with female partners. Maybe to some extent, he was ignorant about just how uncomfortable unplanned anal sex could be — but considerate communication could have helped make anal sexual exploration an interesting, playful new adventure for both of us.

On the other hand, my first truly positive experience of anal intercourse took place much more recently. I tried it with a respectful partner who places as much importance on my pleasure as he does on his own. Talking about the act beforehand, preparing it for both physically and psychologically, and taking things slowly made a world of difference to my enjoyment.

Moreover, findings published in the international reproductive health journal Contraception suggest a scarcity in information about anal sex gained via formal avenues, such as school education or health care providers. In light of this, if we are to create a culture where those interested in anal sex can explore it safely, we need open discussion about anal sex etiquette often stigmatized topic. In my personal experience, certain conditions had to be met for mutual enjoyment of anal sex could occur. In an ideal world, this one should be so obvious it would go without saying. To enjoy anal sex, both parties need to be fully willing participants.

For me and my current partner, anal sex is a physical expression of our complete acceptance of each other. I trust him to enter and respect a vulnerable part of me in the same way I trust him with my flaws and secrets. The knowledge that he enjoys my whole body — and will not shame me or express revulsion at an aspect of me — is a massive turn-on.

For him, the taboo nature of anal sex makes it sexually appealing. For a truly intimate experience, discuss the erotic appeal of anal sex with your partner before you decide to enact it. He never assumes I want it; he asks me how I feel about it every time. This is what complete acceptance of another person entails. Even when I choose not to participate in anal sex, my partner shows me I am completely loved, in my whole body and being. It is absolutely okay if anal sex holds no physical or psychological appeal whatsoever for you personally.

There are many ways in which you can express your connection to another person — and anal sex does not have to be one of them! Genuinely connecting with a partner — as opposed to using their body to selfishly satisfy your own desires — means being mindful of their individual preferences and boundaries.

In some instances, this desire to please took precedence over their own physical pain. If you are both going to enjoy anal sex, you need to be equal partners in sexual decision-making. Take the time to ask them what they really anal sex etiquette, and make it clear that you respect their right to decline. This le us on to the next condition of mutually enjoyable anal sex.

I had several excruciating experiences where it felt like my butthole was burning. I was still curious about anal sex and wanted to explore it further, but I could only comfortably do so with a partner who — when asked to stop — would stop immediately without becoming resentful.

We can stop whenever you need to. Joe Duncan suggests that for those who do not enjoy pain, engaging in anal sex can be a deep expression of trust. The person doing the penetrating similarly upholds that trust, acting in a way which communicates:. That also means cooperating with a partner whenever they want or need to stop, and respecting their wishes if they choose not to repeat the act. Consent is an ongoing process, and you have the anal sex etiquette to withdraw it at any time — even permanently, if you so choose.

Personally, I do not like being taken by surprise when it comes to anal sex. If I know what to expect, I have adequate time to prepare myself. I can also rinse and soap up my perianal area sufficiently well so that I feel absolutely clean. This is the system that works for us! Although my partner is very kind and would never humiliate me even if there was some kind of accident, preparing for the act with good hygiene is just as much for my own comfort and peace of mind as it is a courtesy to him.

Another benefit of advance notice is that it gives you time to stock on up lubrication. I would not recommend even attempting anal sex without it. Respondents in the focus group study emphasised that comfortable anal sex rarely happens spontaneously.

In addition to the serious consent issues that arise when you attempt anal sex without planning for it, I think spontaneous anal sex also fails to give you enough time to relax, both physically and mentally. In my experience, I was only able to relax and enjoy anal sex with the right person.

In a comment on a draft of this article, Joe Duncan made an excellent point when he stated:. While the receiving partner has to relax, get their mind their right place, and so forth, none of that can happen with an impatient giving partner.

I certainly found this to be true anal sex etiquette my own experience. The dynamic of tenderness and compassion in our day-to-day relationship translated into a dynamic of tenderness and compassion during anal sex. Their online resources contain a lot of useful pointers which heterosexual couples attempting anal sex can also learn from. At the start of anal sex, you can end up contracting this muscle without thinking about it as you feel something enter you — which makes the process more uncomfortable. Therefore, having time to consciously unclench can make a ificant difference.

The first time I enjoyed anal sex, my boyfriend entered me gradually, and then for a while, we lay still together holding each other. This gave me time to get used to the sensation of him inside me, and practise unclenching my external sphincter before he progressed to any thrusting movements.

One of the most distracting parts of anal sex is the pressure sensation in your rectum following penetration. Usually, you experience pressure in your rectum when you need the toilet. As explained by GMFA, the pressure sends a message to your brain that you need to empty your bowels. This is why engaging in anal sex as the receiving partner can make anal sex etiquette feel like you have to use the toilet immediately. Training your mind to accept this feeling without going into panic mode requires a patient giving partner who is willing to give you all the time you need to adjust.

This is yet another reason why preparation and planning are so important. I found that the greatest benefit of taking things at a leisurely, loving pace was a noticeable loosening up of the anal canal as my internal sphincter steadily relaxed itself. The major difference is that this muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system the system which controls blood pressure, respiration rate and other bodily functions. This makes it harder to learn how to relax it. However, by going slowly enough, my partner and I were able to reach a stage where it relaxed of its own accord.

Once this happened, it meant that thrusting, and even exit and re-entry, suddenly became relatively comfortable. My anal passage no longer felt greatly constricted in comparison to my vagina. In my experience, the most difficult part of anal sex was getting to the stage where my internal sphincter relaxed. After that, having my partner inside me was intensely pleasurable and arousing. But we certainly needed to go slowly to make it to this point.

To avoid this, GMFA recommend adopting a position which straightens out the rectum more. Consent is a must, and mutual pleasure is the goal! Medium is an open platform where million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more. If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home.

Start a blog. in. Felicia C. Lessons from my best and worst anal sex experiences. Zara Zareen Follow. Attempting anal sex without consent is disturbingly common. We have to resist the normalization of coercion and unwanted pain. Ensure explicit, mutual consent.

Have a conversation to explore why anal sex appeals to you. Confirm both parties are fully on board. Discuss the possibility of psychological pressure. Agree to stop at any time. Feeling safe made my anal sex life possible. Plan and prepare for the act. Prepare by using the bathroom.

Use lubrication, and get comfortable. Go slowly and gently to aid relaxation. Take time to unclench your external sphincter. Take time to get used to pressure in the rectum. Take the time to allow your internal sphincter to relax. Experiment with more comfortable positions. If you found this interesting, you might also like: How to Keep Your Sex Life Steamy Tips to help long-term couples maintain an erotic connection. I Love You Relationships now.

Sex Relationships Advice Psychology Life. I Love You Follow. Written by Zara Zareen Follow. More From Medium. Sex is Not an Emotion. The Beauty of the Quickie. Rachael Hope in Sexography. Aphrodisiacs: Trick, or Treat? Annie Streater in tabu. The Art of Foreplay. Nick Davies. Robyn Hemington. Quickie: The Sex Toy Secret. The Psychology of Asexuality. Joe Duncan in Moments. Alex Andra in Sexual Tendencies. Make Medium yours. Write a story on Medium. About Write Anal sex etiquette Legal.

Anal sex etiquette

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A Couple’s Guide to Mutually Pleasurable Anal Sex