Gay dom and sub

Added: Dominie Earle - Date: 17.02.2022 18:13 - Views: 26495 - Clicks: 7402

When a guy slides his hand in your ass, holding your body, guiding you through your fears and emotions, coaxing your hole to relax and open, something beautiful happens. Fisting requires the basic tool kit of love: chemistry, communication, intimacy, trust. You need these to make any relationship work.

In a good fist session, power dynamics disappear. You become equals, complicit in this rule-defying, animal act of pleasure. You take a leap with someone and trust them, at least a little bit, to be good to you. I started this dark, leathery journey a few years ago, seeking sex with sexy people. Along the way I found humbling and beautiful lessons in love, devotion, forgiveness, support, and care. Want to find the real love experts? Go to your nearest leather bar.

Here are 15 lessons in love I learned from kink. My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences.

Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men. Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality. For all others, enjoy the slideshow.

And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments. Hungry for more? Photo by Jon Dean. Love is a not a hunt for someone to complete your life or make you whole.

Others come along and share time for a little while. Often we share it with many people simultaneously polyamorous relationships, multiple lovers, great friends. Some of these people may teach you how to fuck well. Others may show you how to be a supportive partner. One may help you through your HIV diagnosis. Another may help you through a painful death. No one needs prominence. Kink is a community where complex, multiple-person relationships pack relationships, leather families may be seen as literal representations of this. You might have a daddy in Dallas who comforts you, offers support, and gives you sweet, cuddly, furry sex.

You also have a cute life partner who wears glasses in your home city who loves wearing leather with you and cooking dinner with you and having threesomes with you and whatever guy gay dom and sub two decide to take home. You and your partner might share a submissive rubber pup who loves climbing in your sling to get his hole used.

So can love. To newcomers, kinksters kinky people stress going slow, taking baby steps, building trust, and listening to people with more experience. How richer would our romances be if we all did the same? Kink is filled with labels that imply ownership. Daddies have boys, slaves have masters, subs have sirs, pups have handlers, and the list goes on.

I hate possession. The minute someone talks about rules and exclusivity, I bolt.

Then I realized why these roles exist. Some sex practices require skills that are best taught one-on-one within the confines of a fetish relationship — where trust is developed, feedback given, and performance appraised. These roles serve real purposes: They arouse people, teach them how to enjoy the sex they want safely, and help us as a community preserve our kinks while sharing them with beginners. Most have been very beautiful to witness.

You keep them as long as they feel good. There are bondage pros, master bootblacks, and aficionados of leather. Similarly, you may know everything about your partner, but at the end they are still a mystery to you, one you get to discover a little more every day. Learning new kinks and advancing your skills is an exciting process that often le kinksters through different roles.

This is also true in dating. All your experiences, good and bad, change how you define yourself and make you a different person from one relationship to the next or one one phase of life to another. I once talked to a gay couple with plus years behind them and asked what their secret was. I decided early on that I wanted him to be everything he needed to be, no matter what, even if that led him away from me.

Gay dom and sub change. Love your partner enough to let them grow. Skilled dominants depend on subs to tell them if something feels good or bad. A good dominant will learn to read your als and your body language and learn to push you without pushing you too far. But some subs close up, retreat, freak out, or shut off. Kink depends on reading als and responses.

All relationships kinky and nonkinky depend on effective emotional communication. Not talking about your feelings, good and bad, is how relationships get toxic and bitter. You have to talk. Kinksters are good about addressing problems. In all sub-dom pairings, the rule is that you must say something if you think something is wrong.

The same goes for relationships.

Problems will arise. You fix them by addressing them. Many people have requirements that must to be met in order to date. Some keep a list: stable job, ability to travel, expendable income, pet lover. Others need different things: must be kinky, polyamorous, or both. Be slow to anger and be understanding of my kinks. Enjoy putting things in my butt. Be honest. I need little else. I learned this from kink. To determine a good kinky playmate, you have ample discussion beforehand. You have to play. Try it out. See what feels right. This can take a long time. People spend years dabbling through kinks before stumbling on to something that gay dom and sub right.

Labels and titles are off-putting to me, so I resist using them until some time has passed. When I was in San Francisco, jobless and homeless, my former sir bought me a plane ticket, hugged me close, wiped his eyes, and sent me home. I trusted him. When I needed him, he was there. Poets across history have tried to define love. For me, love feels like trust. Remember my intro slide about fisting? Fisting only happens with trust.

So do most extreme kinks. If someone is going to suspend you with rope, you have to trust them. Kink has taught me that the richest experiences in life depend on trusting others — relationships among them. In relationships, you build trust by telling the truth. Trust is crucial to making happy relationships happen. Lies shatter trust. Love them enough to do so. Some say sexual kinks come from trauma or abuse. I think these theories are mostly bullshit — a way of pathologizing healthy human sexual behavior — but some people do find safe space in kink and BDSM to alleviate stress, anxiety, or hurt.

After some of my intense scenes, it felt like a weight was lifted off my body. The post-play feeling is like floating on air.

Gay dom and sub

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